Accepting myself || Self confidence


This post is actually quite hard for me to write as it's such a personal thing. I was thinking a lot about it and how to express a thought that I have to say.

And it's also very genuine and honest. There are things that I have never told to anyone, even to my friends.
But however, I decided to give this post a try and now I'm going to share with you my way to self confidence and accepting myself, and I really hope that it will help someone to be kinder and gentler to yourself.

Maybe some of you will find yourself in my story. Maybe not. But anyway, I hope it will inspire you somehow.
The story begun when I was in the 6th grade. I was 12 or 13 and it's the time when children (actually teenagers already) start having these problems with their character, emotions, parents and the whole world. Maybe not every and each teenager has these problems, but I was one of those who had. You know how it happens - the world outside seems so unfriendly, you think that everyone is going to judge you for something, you are the smartest person in the world, so independent and even your parents can't/don't get you anymore. I've been there.

Somewhere in that age I realized that I liked a boy from my grade. And, oh, it seemed as if he liked me too.
As a usual girl I wanted to look good and attractive for other people and for someone who - I thought - liked me. And I used to care what other people might think of me.
Time goes and I became 14 or 15 when my skin became a real problem with spots, black heads and other imperfections. I also used to have thin hair with no volume and I was jealous about other girl's beautiful thick hair. I thought that my nails had an ugly shape. And my eyebrows are too thick. Furthermore I never was a slim girl and I was so angry about it. I thought I was fat even when I wasn't. I thought that "fat" is a bad word. I felt myself so upset because of all the things I didn't like about myself and I never really noticed all the good things. I was full of complexes. I used to have an anxiety. I was so angry with myself and my body and I never liked myself the way I should've to.

It was continuing until I graduated school at 16. It wasn't that bad already, but I still had really low self confidence. When I got into college I told myself that I have to start a new page of my life, kinda new level. And so I did.
I don't actually know why. Maybe because I stopped thinking about myself as a victim. Or maybe cause I kind of programmed my mind in a good way. Or maybe it all together. But the thing is - I didn't feel that bad anymore. I started loving myself.

The other thing why I started liking myself was... the TV series. For some of you it maybe sounds weird, but I just can't not to mention that. That series was "My Mad Fat Diary". It actually deserves a separate blogpost, but everything I can say now - it just changed my mind and made me more confident about myself. I was becoming more confident with the main character - Rae - every new episode. And I highly recommend to watch it even if you don't have the problems I had.

I became kinder to myself and I stopped thinking that there's something wrong with any part of my body that I have to change. I accepted me with all my mistakes and imperfections.

I realized that there are two kinds of problems: the ones you can solve and the ones you can't. So don't try to solve problems that you know you can not solve. It will lead you to nothing but make you upset about yourself.
And I finally realized that there are things I can't change in myself: I can't change my hair cause nature made them the way they are, I can't change my nails and, tho I started doing some yoga and fitness, I clearly understand that I'll never be that slim and thin girl I dreamt to be some time ago cause it's just impossible for my body and genetics.

I became totally fine with myself and the way I look like. I like myself and my body. And I finally don't care that much about what people might think of me.
And I don't care if it sounds a cliche, but I am who I am.
My way to full accepting my own self is not finished yet and I don't think it will ever be. But I'm working on it every single day and getting some good results.

So after all, I think that the best thing you can do for yourself is to love yourself. Just go, look at the mirror and tell yourself that you like the person you see in there. I know it can be hard to do and you may think that it's stupid and doesn't work. But "fake it till you make it", you remember, right? And stop comparing yourself to anyone else you think is better than you. Because there are no one better that you. You are unique the way you are.

xx, D

Instagram