Finding positive in feeling lonely


Never having too many friends but always knowing that there's someone by my side, it feels weird. It feels even weirder to write about it. Like it's too intimate. But also like I need to pour it all out. (I mean, isn't that the reason why people have blogs?)
I got this feeling a couple of months ago. I guess I've never felt this lonely as I felt then. And it didn't let go for a good couple of weeks when I thought I'm falling in the state of loneliness with no return, and to be honest, it still visits me sometimes. 
Let's get this clear: I told many times that I'm totally okay with being by myself, in my own company. It never actually bothers me. But there is difference between being alone in comfort and feeling lonely. And well - surprise! - I hate feeling lonely.

But without any sarcasm, it actually sucks. Have you ever felt like that? 

Like when you've got no one to talk to. 
Like when you're craving new emotions but there's no one to be with you.
Like everyone you knew became so unfamiliar and so distant.
Like you don't know them anymore.
Like you want to share your feelings with them but they won't get it.
Like if everyone around move on and you can't.
Like if they're close but so far away.
Like you don't relate to them anymore.
Like somebody you actually want to talk to is hundreds of miles away.
Or does not exist.
Like you can't bear small talks but also want to howl at the moon from silence.
Like you don't wanna bother them.
Like you want it to be how it was but also want it to change.
Like trying to understand when it happened.
Like you regret it.
Like it's your fault.
Like they've changed.
Like you've changed.
And like you can't wait to get off this annoying routine of overthinking and just move on too.


Sounds pretty depressing, doesn't it? And the question above was rhetorical, I bet we all felt like that at some point (if not, it's yet to come).
But me being me, and I always try to find something good in the worse. So I thought that maybe it's time to change something and let new people in to my life. As you probably could understand, I'm a very introverted person and it's hard to just trust people and let them in.
On the other side, why not to make it a resolution for 2018? Getting out of my comfort zone is my long term goal and I feel inspired enough to work on it this year. Anyway, so far I think it's going pretty great. <3

So don't forget to take lessons from things happening in your life and always try to find something positive in everything. It's hard sometimes but it helps, I promise.
xx, D 

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